Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

BreakAway, being the greatest employer in the world (or at least the greatest employer at 10150 York Road in Hunt Valley, Maryland) treated all us employees to this movie the day it came out. We saw it at nearby theater, a nice Regal cinema, right up the street from the office. Most of us left about 20 to 15 minutes before the curtain went up, but that proved to be a mistake. We should've left at least a half hour before the show because the theater was packed! I was lucky to find a single seat that wasn't in the front row (an impossible viewing position). I was tucked right in between two guys who were both about the same size as me, so it was a tight fit. But I was in the front row of the second tier of the stadium seating, a prime spot in my opinion, though a little off to the left side. But it didn't hamper my view of the screen at all. My experience at all Regal Cinemas has been the same: good theater, great seating.

Though this film had a promising premise, it just insulted my intelligence too much for me to enjoy it fully. I'm sure it would've been fine for audiences of the 1930s or '40s, but for a modern audience, it is just too preposterous for them to maintain any willing suspension of disbelief. Since I don't provide spoilers in reviews, I won't discuss all the shortcomings of this movie or point out every scene that just flies in the face of reality, but suffice it say: if you have even an average grasp of physics or common sense, this movie will insult your intelligence from beginning to end.

In the pre-release hype for this film, Spielberg and the studio said over and over again, they used as little CGI as possible. They only used CGI where absolutely necessary. They wanted to be "true" to the series' roots, which started before CGI was widely available. Even though now everybody from angst-ridden teenagers to bored housewives can produce Hollywood quality CGI, they wanted as much authentic footage as possible: real stunts, real people, real locations. Well, as it turns out, the least amount of CGI possible turns out to be the entire second half of the film! That's right, up until then, there are real people, doing things that look real and plausible. But after about the halfway mark, this movie loses any semblance of a grip on reality and throws Newton and Nature out the window.

I admit I'm a nerd, but I try not to let that little weakness (actually, usually a strength in my book) interfere with my entertainment or enjoyment. But this film insulted everyone's intelligence from the opening scene to the last. While most of the stunts in the first Indie film were somewhat implausible, they weren't so much so as to shatter my—or anyone else's for that matter—willing suspension of disbelief. Indy pulled off quite a few breathtaking feats, but viewers were still able to remain engorged in the story. Not so with Crystal Skull.

But enough about the implausibility of the action... The plot really wasn't that engaging. While it had its moments, and while I wanted to see the outcome, I wasn't really satisfied with the conclusion. It was just cheesy.

If you're a die-hard Indiana Jones fan, you're going to see this movie anyway. But if you're just a casual movie-goer, spend your money elsewhere. I'm not really a die-hard Indie fan, and though I've still never seen The Last Crusade from beginning to end, I would've gone to see this movie no matter what reviews said. As well as dragging viewers through the plot, it ties up some loose ends in the Indie "mythology". While I respect Spielberg as a director and his amazing body of work and Ford as an actor, really, as an intelligent audience, we deserved better than this.

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Page originally posted July 12, 2008